Guilt | ccdo's Blog

Happy and Emotional

Tuesday, November 3, 2009 | A Venting story

work went well for me till the end of my shift where i had a run in with on of my colleagues, stating that he does nothin but sit around and drinking tea

he said to me that if im not happy with the way he is doing his job then maybe go to the supervisior and complain bout his work i said "i might just do that if u dont shut up". so i got my revenge by hiding all his post that came to work to an unknown place where noone would even think to look for it

now that is bothering me cause if they do find it they will know instantly it was me cause i have a grudge against him so they would know that i wanted revenge of some sort ill just deny it and say that i dont know what u are talkin about and if u keep sayin that i did it i would gladly leave for the day and come back when im not accused anymore etc

i came home to a happy smilin family but my brother is out for the night so i took it upon myself to steal some of his cash and save up like i have been previously with his money that i stole he never ever knows he always states that his money has disappeared and he lost it but he doesnt know that i have a copy of his key to his safe etc 

all this is is good and bad and i so wanna cut cause to punish myself for stealin and having a go at my colleague at work etc i still dont know what will happen in a few hours but we will see wont we im so mixed up between being happy and emotionally guilty and nervous bout goin into work tomorrow

just wish my boss asked me to do the early shift cause then that would give me the opportunity to drink during work even tho they never ever notice in work and get tipsy and relaxed for the rest of my shift, tho eveyrtime im drink it is always guaranteed with cuttin as a result of guilt etc

i just hate this guilt that im experienceing everyday and nonoen seems to have it but me and only me. what makes things worse is that i have not one proper nights sleep for 48hours and its starting to affect me in many ways im just hopin that tonigth ill sleep and wake up not so clumsy etc

ill update all of u in a few hours if i dont forget thanks for reading